i remember those times
when those unlikely scenarios would torment my mind
how i would dig my nails into my skin
when no blade was around
how scratching up pink lines of peaking red
would stop my body from shaking
how i would pull my sleeves down with the tips of my fingers
to conceal this morbid artistry
how i would choke on my own sadness
that arose in my throat
how I had to hold it all back
so no curious nobody would ask
how dull eyes would stare off into nothing
hoping it would all just end
how i would fall asleep to a sad record on blast
thinking no one cares i’m trying to get better
…i’ll never be the best
i can’t forget those times
lonesome, fragile spine
hollow eyes, crooked smile
clandestine cries, brooding mind
my, how lovely you are
the light, was only a mirage
it was an illusion that you were walking on safe ground
this ignorance and disposal of the truth led you right into the quick sand
now you find yourself screaming silently for help, for no one is there to hear you
if only you watched your step
only then would you have known where it would all go wrong
but you didn’t
oh, how those words haunt me.
was it a joke?
am i just paranoid?
i can’t be.
maybe i don’t know them.
maybe they aren’t the people they claim to be when i am around.
and still i care for them?
has the kindness i’ve received been a lie this whole time?
what have they said?
what have they done?
i hope it was just a joke.
i hope i’m just paranoid.
i still have not closed the book
the memories live on
the tears run a marathon
I know well how to relive that time
it is a part of me
a part that i have not let go
a part that i need to understand
Words of one who knew all
One can’t simply rid those dialogues
Not if a perception was altered for the better
This is one who can ultimately haunt your every move
However, it’s not for the worst
More so to perfect imperfections
To correct faults and steps
Even when the worst comes about
The light doesn’t just dim
It glows brighter than ever
All as a mere reminder that not all is lost